What happens when the future feels so anxiously palpable that the day that you’re living in feels insignificant?
When there’s such huge decisions and the thought of being a poor, working, over-educated member of society makes you want to crawl back into a hole and either go back to school or get knocked up…jk
I don't want babies..not yet anyways...even though Miz said that I'd be good a Mamahood..I looked at that FB comment and nervous laughed...not ready.
The point is that for some of us, the anxiety about not having life in perfect little boxes is worse than not having ketchup with a hotdog at the country fair. Or tequila with mexican food. Or a beer at a footy game
(footy is Australian rules football, you don't need to really understand anything about the game, except that the men are beautiful specimens of testosterone)
It’s this honestly palpable energy in your body that makes you feel like you’re wasting your days worrying about tomorrow’s, next month’s or next year’s days. And it’s damn hard to work around. For me the first thing that I go to is trying to control my food intake. I go straight back to the days of dieting. I’m not against dieting, or really most things in life, as long as they’re done in moderation and done for the right reasons.
(unless of course it's a 'free kick' with a hot man or woman and then nothing should be done in moderation..except actually making babies...but practising..knock yourself out)
But the point I’m trying to make is that something happened to me last night. I wanted to desperately control my weight. It’s f-ed up. I’m nervous, so I then click into a perfectionist mode about my weight. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT..then I over-eat because the impeding attack of perfectionism is so much, that I just need chocolate cake to momentarily distract me from the insane amounts of pressure that I put on myself.
But what happens if you throw a cute distraction into your life? Do you add them as yet another notch on your bedpost of anxiety
(just anxiety, what kinda person do you think I am?)
At the end of the day you have to really ask yourself what type of person you want to be. Not what someone else wants you to be..or in so many instances..what we think someone else wants us to be without us ever asking them to validate our created sentiments of their sentiments.
So go out and define this day for you..that’s what I’m gonna do. It probably means that I’m going to rock some 4″ heels..just so I can walk down the street and make toothless bricklayer gawk..knowing full well that I don’t need to do anything else except exude what I inherently have.